Alcoholic Denial
by The 13th Jinx
Summary: Prequel to King Alcohol. Oneshot. Kai's denial about his drinking problem.


Jinx: okay people, this is a prequel to my songfic King Alcohol. You can read this without having read that one, but I recommend you read King Alcohol first, I mean, it's a short songfic, it'll take you, like, 10 minutes?

For those of you that have read King Alcohol and gave me all those nice reviews; I love you all so much!! TT

Anyway, enjoy! And if anyone might have any questions about alcoholism, I'm familiar with the topic and always willing to have a helpful chat.

Btw, this is written in Kai's POV only.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the beyblade characters, I simply borrow them.

* * *

I sit at the far end of the counter. Even though I was having fun earlier tonight, I feel unwanted at this point.

I was once the strong silent type, but through the years this changed. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the kind of guy I was before, I've just become more open, more talkative.

Of course, alcohol might have something to do with me talking more than usual, I mean, I actually laugh sometimes when I'm drunk, because I feel something is funny!

It usually makes me feel so much happier, it makes me forget.

I fell in love with Rei.

I married Rei.

And we're happy together.

I can't grasp the reason why I feel so down all of the sudden. It's like my friends don't want to talk to me now. I don't understand why. They should be happy I'm actually goofing off sometimes. But instead, it feels like they're talking behind my back about my drinking.

I tell Rei I want to go home, he offers to come with me but I know he's having fun, which is a very good excuse to turn down that offer.

He stays.

I walk to the end of the street and instead of turning right, home, I turn left and let my feet carry me to the nearby night shop.

I buy a bottle of vodka and a pack of cigarettes.

Rei doesn't want me to smoke, he says it's unhealthy, but enjoy to have one while I'm drinking sometimes. It's not like I plan to get old anyway.

I exit the shop and continue walking further away from my shared apartment.

I ignore the fact that it's illegal to drink in public and open the bottle to take in a gulp of vodka, some of it running down my chin as it's kind of hard to combine walking with drinking.

I reach the park and sit myself on a bench, lighting a cigarette.

As I take another swig of mental paralysis, my thoughts run back to Rei.

My thoughts always end up with Rei.

He doesn't know about all this.

He knows I drink alcohol, I do it all the time when we go out together. Just not this much. And he doesn't realize I drink so frequently.

This isn't the first time I'm drinking behind his back.

I really love him, and I hate to lie to him, but I don't want him to worry about me. If he knew I was drinking like this, he wouldn't be able to sleep until I went to an AA meeting.

But I don't have a drinking problem. I can quit whenever I want. But that's just it. Whenever I _want_, which isn't now.

He'd be tossing and turning for weeks until he would be sure I'd never touch another drop of alcohol again. In some way it's really sweet that he'd be so concerned about me, but I don't need to be concerned about.

He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand that I simply like being drunk. Being away from reality. To forget. Even for a few hours, or sometimes just minutes.

He wouldn't understand, because he doesn't have the memories I have, to run from.

He doesn't know what relief alcohol brings me.

He would make the situation sound so much worse by saying I'm drinking behind everyone's backs, drinking by myself. But I hate being drunk with people around me. Either it's my old bladebreaker friends, who would be distressed seeing me like this, or it's the regulars at some bar. Miserable alcoholics who waste their lives sitting on a bar stool. And I'm not one of them.

I'm a young man.

I'm happily married to the person I love most in this rotten world.

I have a job, and I'm not bad-looking.

I'm not some old ugly alcoholic.

I stand up, slightly swaying, and walk back through the gates of the park. I throw the now empty bottle in the trashcan and begin my way back to the night shop, lighting another cigarette.

I bet my grandfather would love to see me like this, one foot before the other.

I re-enter the night shop, a bottle of absinthe practically calling out to me. I buy it and move outside again. As I walk back the way I came, watching my feet as if the aren't even part of my body, I hear the church bells ringing twice.

Rei is probably home by now, and he'll have realized I'm not there. He hasn't called me on my cell phone though. So either he's still at the bar, or he's decided not to call me. I don't get worried about him getting raped or anything. He's a very skilled martial artist, he can take care of himself.

I remember him kicking my ass so badly I couldn't stand up for two days after telling him he looked fat in his new shirt.

I sit down on the same bench as before and open the bottle of absinthe. I guess it's a good thing it's a small bottle, it's very strong liquor and I don't think I'd be able to walk home after drinking a large bottle. And yet it flows down my throat like water.

Sometimes I think I might actually _have_ a problem, blamed on the reasons Rei would give me if he were to find out.

But most of the time alcohol makes me forget about the most horrible things. And even though that is not a guarantee, I still do it. Sometimes it just makes the memories worse, but I ignore that for the times it makes me forget.

My bottle of absinthe already empty and forgotten on the bench next to me, and my mind dulled to a very welcome numbness, I sit for what seems like ages, staring at my feet, thinking about nothing at all.

Until the sound of the church bells ringing three times snaps me out of it.

I stand up, steadying myself by holding on to the bench. I walk back, watching my legs carry me insecurely back home.

I don't know how long I walk, but I end up in the elevator that brings me to the floor of my apartment. I mess with my keys until I finally manage to open the door and stumble in the house.

I bend down to take of my shoes and stumble for the bedroom.

Rei is in bed.

I strip down to my boxers and lay myself next to him.

His eyes are closed, but even in my drunken daze, I know he's awake.


End file.
